


Hot Tub Crime Wave

by vanillafluffy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Doppelganger, Gen, Metafiction, Mistaken Identity, Tongue-in-cheek, When worlds collide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28567497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillafluffy/pseuds/vanillafluffy
Summary: The theme was Doppelgangers.Avengers: Endgame references ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’. Sebastian Stan was in ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’, which suggests he exists as a civilian in the MCU…who just happens to bear a striking resemblance to James 'Bucky' Barnes. With that in mind, it’s possible that something like this may have happened....
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13
Collections: Bite Sized Bits of Fic from 2021





	Hot Tub Crime Wave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [classics_lover](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=classics_lover).



Driving down to Charlotte seemed like a no brainer. Hell, he’s playing a race car driver, cruising down there will help him get into his groove. With that in mind, Sebastian Stan packs his bags and heads down the turnpike. 

In Maryland, Seb stops for lunch. He’s standing in line waiting for a table, when he’s assaulted by two cops with guns drawn screaming in his face. “Hands in the air!”

He stares at them. They can’t mean him, can they? Slowly, he raises his hands, palms out, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. He hasn’t done anything, he wasn’t speeding--mistaken identity, maybe? Could it be some bizarre version of Punk’d? No, these cops are the real thing, he’d bet money on it. So why are they targeting him?

Cooperate with the cops…he goes to the police station without making a fuss. They get his fingerprints and take mug shots. He’s too dazed to vamp for the camera. This can’t be happening.

The sheriff’s name-tag reads Bodecker and he glares at the prisoner like he just crawled out from under a rock. He cues up something on a monitor. “That’s you!” he accuses, and Seb stares at the freeze-frame.

Admittedly, the guy looks like him--albeit a version of him that lives at the gym. Dark hair, longer than he wears his…not just that: the man on the screen looks older, colder. The image begins to move, and an announcer’s voice says, “…Barnes is wanted for the assassination of the king of Wakanda, as well as other crimes, including espionage--”.

“What?” Seb yelps. He looks up at the nearest cop in consternation. “That’s not me! I’ve never killed anybody--I don’t even know where Wakanda is!”

A mirthless chuckle. “No, of course not, Barnes. You’re a friggin’ choir boy.”

To add to the unreality, the original officers return, carrying the luggage from his car. “This is some kind of mistake,” he says, taking a deep breath and trying not to let his rising sense of panic show. “My name is Sebastian Stan. I’m an actor, not an assassin.“

“Ever heard of John Wilkes Booth?” Sheriff Bodecker drawls.

At that point, Seb decides he’s not going to be able to talk his way of this one single-handed. “I get a phone call, right? I need to make a call.”

Law enforcement insists on placing the call for him. He reads the number from the screen on his phone and glumly watches as they confiscate that, too.

Thank God he’s been making his agents money--Creative Artists Agency/CAA takes his call with a minimum of questions. 

“Joel, it’s Seb Stan--I’ve been busted in Maryland because I look like a guy that’s some kind of assassin-terrorist. Help?!”

There’s a moment of silence on the other end of the line. “Are you…drunk?”

“No! I was headed down to Charlotte Motor Speedway to do that stock car thing you guys got me. I stopped for lunch, and the next thing I knew, I had a bunch of guns in my face, and now I’m at the police station. No joke! They think I shot the king of some place I never heard of!” 

“Wakanda?” Joel says. “That’s been all over the news. You weren’t in Europe yesterday, were you?”

“For God’s sake, of course I wasn’t. This is the first time I’ve been out of New York in weeks. Be careful with those!” he implores the cop who looks like he’s about to dump the contents of his portfolio all over the nearest desk. “Those are my head-shots!”

“Head…shots?”Bodecker invests the words with sinister intent.

“I’m an actor,” he repeats. “Head-shots are like a resume, they give casting directors an idea of how I can adapt physically to different roles--”

“So you admit you’re good at disguises?” The sheriff eyes him. “If you’re an actor, what have you been in that I’ve seen?”

He thinks back over the last few years, which have been busy ones. “'Gossip Girl'. 'Kings'. 'Once Upon a Time'. 'Political Animals'….” He’s not making any headway. Consider the audience. A bunch of good old boys, what would they watch? “'Hot Tub Time Machine',” he says reluctantly.

“The commie hunter!” one of the original deputies says, snapping his fingers.

“Yeah. That was me…a few years ago.”

Joel’s voice starts squawking in his ear. “Turn on the TV! There’s breaking news about the manhunt for Barnes!”

He relays the information, and one of the deputies turns on a small set in the office.

"--Captured in Bucharest a short time ago--” There’s footage of Barnes being lead off in restraints. How can he be so chilling? His expression is blank--is that what they call a thousand-yard stare, or is Barnes indifferent to all the harm he’s caused? Seb stares at his double, wondering at the thoughts behind the pale face.

“Hmm.” The sheriff looks chagrined. Probably sorry he can’t take credit for catching big bad Barnes. “As soon as we hear back from the FBI on your prints, we’ll let you go, as long as they don’t want you for anything.”

"They won't," he says with certainty. Granted, 'The Apparition' was a crime, but if bad movies were a punishable offense, most of the actors he knows would’ve been locked up at one time or another.

“Do you want me to get you a lawyer?” his agent asks. “I know a guy in Wilmington.”

Seb looks around the squad room, which is a lot less tense now that they’ve seen the real Barnes being taken into custody. “I don’t know how long the FBI is going to take,” he says. How about if you don’t hear from me in two hours, call your guy.” He rattles off contact information for the department and hangs up. The cops have dialed down the visceral hostility The scary hair-trigger focus they had earlier is gone.

Getting an answer from the FBI (No priors.) takes another forty-five minutes. Meanwhile, one of the deputies has called home, and his teenage daughter brings their copy of ‘Hot Tube Time Machine’ into the station. She recognizes him--he never thought he might owe his life to a fangirl, but this one's reaction--and his reaction to her reaction--goes a long way to soothing the ruffled feathers of the law enforcement eagles.

“I loved you in ‘The Covenant’! That was so hot!” she gushes. "And 'Once Upon a Time'! I love that show!--"

He thanks her warmly. Signs the DVD box. Poses for selfies with everybody in sight, smiling his best publicity-tour smile. It’s an act, of course: inside, he’s still shaking at the thought of what could have happened if those deputies had been a little more trigger-happy. No one would suspect it from his blinding grin.

“Any chance I can get those mug shots?” Seb asks hopefully when the federal response lets him off the hook and the impromptu party shows signs of breaking up.. 

“I can make you copies.” Bodecker says after a moment’s consideration.

He has to be content with that. At least if he has copies, he has some control over distribution, right? It’ll make a helluva story some day, but right now, he’s nowhere near being able to laugh about it. Thank God nobody brought up his role as a teen sniper on ‘Law and Order’!

At last, he’s out of there, stowing his luggage back in the car they’ve moved to the cop shop. Before getting back on the road, he rings Joel again.

“They let me go,” he reports with relief. “I got copies of the mug shots--they kept the originals.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Joel’s tone is expansive. “We can probably use them.”

“I hope not. I look like hell.”

“You? That’ll be the day. Anyway, go do the stock car picture and give me a call as soon as you’re done. I think by then I’ll have something else for you.”

“That superhero project I read for?” He’s not enthusiastic at the thought of running around in spandex for a couple months, but it’s supposed to pay pretty well.

“Nope--it’s time you did a biopic, or maybe a ripped from the headlines drama. You’re perfect to play James ‘Bucky’ Barnes.”

…

**Author's Note:**

> For classics_lover, who theme inspired this work.


End file.
